16 August 2008 @ 06:59 pm
Sanity. I have found it. Boss phallic obsession *POOF* GONE!  
I no longer want to have sex with my boss. This is a great wonderful bone inflating relief. Jack was is in town this weekend to help move servers from our other L.A. office that is closing to my L.A. office. So Jack and Kyle (the IT monkey/me in the NY office) were both out here this week.

I was a little lost in the thrall of my own obsession. And I can call it that now. I can look at it with hindsight, one regret - that is an actual regret now - and a beautiful fresh breeze of clarity and call that obsession. I want to thank each and every one of you who looked at me like I was a crazy damn fool, told me I was a crazy person, and just generally kept calling attention to the fact that my behavior was whack.

Please never stop telling me when I'm out of my damn mind. Even when it looks like I'm not listening, and I'm rationalizing and justifying my crazy behavior to your face I'm still listening. And I love you.

I think my obsession with Jack's penis was preventing me from coming here and talking with you about all the wonderful, not so wonderful but always educational sexcapades I've been having. I was always comparing the boys to this hot one time encounter where I seduced a man totally by surprise. and the success of that seduction was an amazing rush and thrill. The experiences I've had since then have subdued my thrill seeking desire. I have one steady lover, Damon*, who was just supposed to be Experienced Older Guy (he's 42), but who is one of the kinkiest people I would ever like to meet. He's also very sweet, giving and fast to becoming a friend that I plan to keep.

This isn't the intro I wanted for Damon. I wanted some grand sweeping introduction but... whatever. Damon's awesome and he lives in Venice. ON THE BEACH. Okay like three blocks off the beach, but I get out of the car and INHALE THE OCEAN. And Venice is close enough to the right freeways I can stay there during the week and still get to work without suffering through too much L.A. traffic.

So expect to be hearing more about what I've Learned, why Fat Dicks on stupid people are harrowing, 20yros can be the hottest thing ever and (San Francisco) Bay Area people are the sexiest people ever - no matter where they are.

This does not mean that I now consider my boss an ordinary human being. I still think Jack is the shit and can walk on water, hang the moon and PWN technology so hard I want to eat him up or put him in my pocket to eat later. We're IT. We're fucken Rock Stars.
grooving to: Kate Nash - Pumpkin Soup
mood:: thoughtful
01 August 2008 @ 08:38 pm
Voice Post  
08 April 2008 @ 04:03 am
Filter/Tag change - no more slutty.  
I'm going to call it SexEd now. For a very simple reason.

Every time I have a sexual encounter I learn something. GET IT? GET IT?


Right, so anybody who wants in on the sexed filter lemme know. Oh those of you on the healing filter? Already have an in. Ha HA!!
27 March 2008 @ 01:08 am
Voice Post - We're calling it Boy-farr, mmkay? Part II  

Sorry! There was interruption thing. Phone Post Sum Up under this cut tag! )
27 March 2008 @ 12:58 am
Voice Post - We're calling it Boy-farr, mmkay? Part I  

Part II
09 December 2007 @ 04:26 pm
The thing about sex and this rape victim  
I forget that the world around me can't look at me and see how my sexual education happened at the painful end of a raping penis. That I didn't have fun and mortifying sexual fumblings as a part of my sexual education. I got blood, fear, shit and violence.

I've done a lot of Work. And I forget that people are going to see me and see that Work, that strength, and won't be thinking of me as this person who was broken so completely that the most ordinary of sexual encounters still count as triumphs.

So that inner slut that I found last week? Not so slutty so much as able to have control and power in a sexual encounter that was All About The Guy. There were no power games, no desire on his part to dominate or humiliate me. Nor did he try to get me to do anything I wasn't already volunteering for. IT WAS SO ORDINARY OMG I FRAME IT AND HANG ON THE WALL.

So when I talk about sluts? I'm not talking about promiscuity. I'm talking about sexual empowerment and the kind of freedom I couldn't even imagine ten years ago. I'm talking about feeling safe.
mood:: thoughtful
06 December 2007 @ 12:10 am
Slutty filter revision. Healing Filter DUH!  
I've been composing this post in my head for 3 days - not *this* post, just "this" post - about the healing power of my inner slut and duh.

The slutty thing is *totally* a healing filter thing. With all the rape I never thought I'd get to this place. Couldn't even *imagine* it ten years ago. Well ten years ago I couldn't even stomach the site of a penis, for like a year or more. But that's for another post. This post is just to let y'all know that the slutty filter's been updated and the healing filter has been added to the slutty tag.

Also I'm transitioning off the paxil. WHY HELLO SEX DRIVE. HOW ARE YOU?!
grooving to: The Sounds - Seven Days a Week
mood:: thoughtful
29 November 2007 @ 01:12 am
Voice Post - Jack Blowjob II/IV  
29 November 2007 @ 01:08 am
Voice Post - Jack Blowjob I/IV