22 March 2009 @ 03:48 pm
BSG! Post Orgasm Show Come down  
Was it good for you?

So I took my post BSG finale self into the bedroom to bounce on the bed off and share my glee with the boyfriend. Where I jokingly said: Now all I need is to get fucked. Shortly thereafter my pants were being yanked off...

I really like my boyfriend.

Other spoilery comments to come later.

::glances at flist::

Huh. Apparently I've missed some stuff in the last 8-ish months I haven't been reading my flist. Whoops! I still think it's the best show ever. But y'know... I have my cult mentality love of Ron D. Moore. Though the whole GAYS ARE EVOL AND MUST DIE had me quite concerned there for a bit.
05 November 2008 @ 08:37 am
Voice Post - It's an Obama Day!  

Obama's purity of spirit is AWESOME.

Oh and I have a boyfriend now, who is a political fanboy. I brought him a cake, which he ate and then cried while Obama showed us (again) just how awesome he is.

To those of you attending bascon: I MISS YOU ALL.
27 March 2008 @ 01:08 am
Voice Post - We're calling it Boy-farr, mmkay? Part II  

Sorry! There was interruption thing. Phone Post Sum Up under this cut tag! )
27 March 2008 @ 12:58 am
Voice Post - We're calling it Boy-farr, mmkay? Part I  

Part II
11 May 2007 @ 05:45 pm
Voice Post - Remember the 19yro Ted? He's totally 20 now!  

I showed [livejournal.com profile] gelasius Ted's picture last night. She called him adorable and was all GO FOR IT. I made a valiant effort today! ::tried so HARD::

DENIED!!!!! Stupid flaky 20yros and their surgery having fathers. harrumph!

mood:: naughty
03 April 2007 @ 03:42 am
I have Touch issues. No for serious. It's like a Prison in here.  
I don't touch people. I can be touched and I welcome it, but I don't reach out. I barely hug my own people, have to remind myself every time. I didn't used to be this way. I used to lay in a dog pile with my brothers. I used to glomp my Dad when he came home. Something *happened* between all the abuse and my brothers looking at me and seeing Girl, and I don't know how many Talks with my Mom about how I'm "too affectionate" with "the guys". And it sucks. It sucks ASS. But it's finally getting better. I had a little help recently...

Lacy and I had the girlsex. She's fannish and we met at a fannish thing. Yes, I'm being vague and using a fake name. Not because she asked me to. But because that those of you who know who she is, know. Those of you who don't, don't *need* to.

Sadly Lacy lives on a different coast. We had the one very short number of days together and now we spend a lot of time on chat. My body misses her like burning. And it's not even a sexual thing (mostly). I can *touch* Lacy without my brain. Even with [livejournal.com profile] permetaform my brain is On. I know exactly which patches of clothed and unclothes skin are touching her. I am not often relaxed. I am Aware. But I'm determined to touch her, the one most Important to me. I only began touching [livejournal.com profile] permetaform last October. That was so hard. Just... I had to *will* myself to lean my leg on hers during a movie. It felt unnatural. Touching someone.

With Lacy there's no brain. I just... dive into the circle of her arms if that's where I want to be. Even before the sex. As soon as we made a Connection I was In Her Space. Before my desires were sexual. I wonder if the sexual desire came out of the comfort and ease of Touch? If that was part of my initial attraction to her? I know there are certain things about her that make her more *for* me rather than *with* me. [livejournal.com profile] permetaform is With me.

Lacy reads the subtle nuances of body language, eye shifting, vocal resonance and... She read my deer eyed skittishness like I was speaking plainly and with proper English at her. She read me like I was actually the open book I was trying to be. Even when I couldn't look her in the eyes for my skittishness, she knew I wasn't rejecting her. She knew I was just freaking out - kind of a lot. Lacy and I made a strong emotional connection before we met, so our meeting was charged with intimacy and trust that might not be genuine. I was afraid.

I forced myself to have a conversation with Lacy about my skittishness and bone deep desire to Touch her, but needing an out right invitation from her own body. And how horribly foreign this Touch barrier is for me. How painful and exhausting. Then I laid my head down next to her thigh and she stroked my hair. I felt Home and Welcome and not separate anymore. Like she's here For me.

The next day was all about Touch. I sat in the circle of her arms and thighs on the floor during a media viewing. I was just... I was Welcome. My brain didn't have to *think*. Well okay, once my brain realized I was having more than platonic desires there were new Touch boundaries to establish. Hand on knee, to thigh, to inner thigh oh my! But it was effortless. I asked permission with my body's movements and she gave with hers.

I want to have that effortlessness with Everybody. I mean I don't want to grope the world or anything. I just want to not be locked in this Prison where I can't Touch my own people without Thought and Concentration. I want Touch to be natural again.

ETA: After my time with Lacy touching my own people became easier. I can girl pile with [livejournal.com profile] permetaform now. My brain's still on, but I assume that will fade over time. I've been worried that *I* was broken, but I'm not. I can Touch people. I'm just ridiculously (8-12 years) out of practice. I just need to reacquaint myself and my body with a process that is now foreign to me.
mood:: thoughtful
grooving to: PJ Harvey - It's You
08 March 2007 @ 05:32 am
Now that I've gotten the frivolity out of my system... girl sex and Secretary!  
I'm writing about girl sex and the Black House (container for my sexuality) for the first time which sorta means I'm forming phrases and paragraph length opinions in my own head for the first time. This might be rambly and not make sense in places. Sorry!

I had girl sex recently. )

Secretary )
08 December 2006 @ 08:16 pm
So true it's almost scary.  
Most hysterical whimsical meme in a *while*. Gakked from [livejournal.com profile] bipagan

I am a goddamn Visionary Seductress )
mood:: content
grooving to: barking dogs and skittering rain drops
02 June 2006 @ 02:50 am
*bouncy bouncy bouncy BOUNCE*  
Okay, two things.

1. I'm not really locking any future healing posts - unless they directly impact other peoples' privacy. It was a trial thing to give myself some private space to see how the healing filter would do, but I totally don't care anymore at all. *lets it all hang out*

2. Yuge (formally known as G) thinks I'm awesome. Well actually the word I used when I posed the question was "interesting" but I totally meant awesome and that's what he agreed to. So... Awesome!

God that makes me sound like an emo teenager. But... context! There was a thing where Yuge was crezeh!stressed and didn't call me back for a while - except I didn't really know about the stress (sorta guessed though) what with the not calling - and when I saw him tonight, ever so briefly, I was like, "I could be getting the impression that you don't think I'm very interesting - which I totally don't think is true b'c I think I'm awesome very interesting." etc. It was more like that, which isn't all emo and teenagery. It's getting to the point with a 10 minute window. *sprints*

I really hated that note passing thing in HS. I think I've been the pursuer in almost every courtship and then I go on and ON in a rambly way about coy vs. subtle directness )
mood:: awesome!
grooving to: My own summer (shove it) - Deftones