15 September 2007 @ 12:51 pm
I believe Robert's going to be okay - eventually.  
[livejournal.com profile] lierdumoa and I stayed with Robert last night. None of us interacted much, we all just sort of passed out. But Robert and Lier and I had a lovely chat this morning. For a couple of hours. And after that it is my very firm belief that Roberts' going to be okay - eventually. The way Lier put it is that when he talks it's like a *whole* person is speaking to you. Not the shell of a person, not the "good face" of a person, but a whole person. I believe that it's Robert's world that is shattered and broken around him, but not him. I'm not worried anymore. It's going to *suck* and some days are going to Suck Out LOUD but I believe Robert's going to heal and keep going.

I'll post about the funeral, and how lovely and painful it was, later. I just wanted to let everyone know that Robert's going to be okay.

x-posted to [livejournal.com profile] darlingdiluvian
mood:: hopeful
10 September 2007 @ 06:22 am
Healing sleep. 16 whole hours worth.  
When I finally went to bed Saturday afternoon I didn't get out again for 16 whole hours. Oh and when I woke up I had my period! yay! I get cramps on my first day of work! Woo! [/attempts-to-remain-positive]

When I woke up from the sleep I felt like sunshine again. There's still a hole in the world, but I don't feel as unbalanced as the days before. I "knew" I was going to be okay, but now I *feel* like I'm gonna be okay. And that makes a huge difference.
mood:: groggy
08 September 2007 @ 02:44 pm
So the shock was nice while it lasted.  
Shock go POOF )
grooving to: PJ Harvey - The Desperate Kingdom Of Love
07 September 2007 @ 04:41 am
I... what?  
Ace called me this morning and forgot her phone number in the voicemail she left. Ace... Ace doesn't DO that. But I had no idea. NO FUCKING NOTION OF AN IDEA that anything like THIS could happen. Ace wanted to make sure I heard from her and not her post that Diluvian had passed away.

I called everybody I could think of. I interrupted a few work days, a school day, and managed to catch a couple people at home. Thankfully only two of them asked me how *I* was doing.

I've been in shock most of the day. Things didn't really sink in until I ran out of stuff to do a couple of hours ago. Then I made my last phone call to [livejournal.com profile] lierdumoa at midnight - I was waiting until she got home from school errands and band practice. Now I just feel this hole in the world. A Diluvian shaped hole. She was so precious to me. Personally. Everything she touched, every person, was made better, more joyous.

And then there's Ace. I've been looking over at [livejournal.com profile] permetaform all day and just... I can't even fathom. She's my editor. She's the one who makes my words better. Without her there wouldn't even BE a book. I'd basically given up on it until she showed up. We have shit to DO.

And then there's Ace. My brain keeps spamming me with notions of Ace wandering around BASCon all by herself and... the wrongness makes me reel. And then there's this:

[livejournal.com profile] goluxexmachina: Hey, hon
[livejournal.com profile] goluxexmachina: How are you?
[livejournal.com profile] fashes: Better.
[livejournal.com profile] goluxexmachina: ::hugs:: (sorry-- not demanding that you talk, just checking in if you wanted to)
[livejournal.com profile] fashes: check ins are fine!
[livejournal.com profile] fashes: I had a cry and am reading Sentinel fic
[livejournal.com profile] goluxexmachina: Good
[livejournal.com profile] fashes: and scanning/PDFing/emailing my work papers in
[livejournal.com profile] fashes: AND tormenting [livejournal.com profile] permetaform
[livejournal.com profile] fashes: who is grouchy and therefore amusing
[livejournal.com profile] goluxexmachina: ahaha, yes
[livejournal.com profile] fashes: and I'm reading on my back, laptop on chest/resting on knees
[livejournal.com profile] fashes: and I put my legs STRAIGHT UP in the air every so often and she wants to throw things at them for points
[livejournal.com profile] fashes: FOR POINTS
[livejournal.com profile] fashes: and I was like We should get some nurf guns
[livejournal.com profile] goluxexmachina: ....YES.
[livejournal.com profile] fashes: [livejournal.com profile] permetaform JUST THREW BALLED UP SOCKS AT MY CALVES
[livejournal.com profile] fashes: ::FLAILS::
[livejournal.com profile] fashes: BEST. WIFE. EVER.
[livejournal.com profile] goluxexmachina: ahahahaha yes! ::smishes you both::
[livejournal.com profile] fashes: OMG SHE IS BEING SUCH A FUCKING *BRAT*
[livejournal.com profile] fashes: SO ADORABLE
grooving to: Pj Harvey - The Slow Drug
mood:: devastated
06 September 2007 @ 11:49 pm
One of our Treasures has left us  
[livejournal.com profile] diluvian passed away this morning.

I set up [livejournal.com profile] darlingdiluvian so that all of us could have a place to grieve and share how much Jen meant to us.