06 March 2015 @ 04:32 am
Trauma, fandom, & healing. EscapadeCon  
Title: Fans & Trauma
Description: Discussion group for fans dealing with trauma in their life (RL, not characters who we love to traumatize). Just show up and share. Or listen.

It has been my dream to discuss trauma with other fen. To talk about fandom as a healing agent. Because fandom is my safe place, the one place where I can be myself.

I've been moderating a peer Post Trauma Support & Recovery group for 2.5 years. This experience has given me the confidence to talk to fen about trauma. And how it fucks us up.

It's been my dream to discuss trauma & fandom at a Con and how fandom can help us heal our trauma. This year is the first year I feel I have enough experience with moderating a peer support group to bring it to a convention and see what we can share with each other.

I hope tgo see you there! Talking optional.
05 March 2015 @ 05:18 am
Escapade! Pegging our boys!  
So, y'all know I like my gender play. ::points to icon::

I also like like fucking boys with my strap on. I like it a lot. And it turns out this is a key part of my sexuality that was missing until a few years ago. It's part of my Why Slash? story.

Come see me talk about dicks, ass and dildos, while I'm wearing one! Clothing on!
11 March 2008 @ 04:03 am
Someone wanted a con report, this is what they get.  
And by someone I mean [livejournal.com profile] amothea and [livejournal.com profile] silver_bond. Who shouted as much at me as I was exiting the hotel room. So... self-indulgent con report. Of sorts.

I should tell you that I don't really go to panels at Escapade. In fact the first time I went to Escapade I walked away kind of h8ing it, b'c I went to as many panels as I could. The second year (last year) was mixed. It was a busy year. I had just moved out of my Family's house the DAY before the con, [livejournal.com profile] lierdumoa and I almost broke up during the course of the con, I met [livejournal.com profile] gelasius and walked out of the con gayer than when i went in. However! I only went to 4 panels and had the Best Time Ever in them. I suppose it helped that i co-modded 2 of them... This year I think I went to even less and modded none. Or attended more than 4 but but didn't stay for the duration. I am not meant for deep bickering meta. I am confused by mass dissent for a piece of media. I am utterly baffled why the bitter stay with the media that is making them well... so fucking *bitter*. But people just roll that way at Escapade. So I avoid the panels designed for them, not wanting to ruin their good (?) time or mine. I've found this to be a most effective course of action. ::nods::

Vid show:
It was good, but pathetically small - only 17 vids. And I say pathetic b'c of how the organizers presented it. They claim it was a "bad year for vidders". See this? This is my WTF face. B'c srsly. What the fuck kind of bullshit IS THAT?!! I mean BASCon had such a packed vid queue the organizers made an OVER FLOW vid show. So I call bullshit. If a not as well known con can get a vid show three times the size of a well known con? Somebody isn't doing something right.

ETA: According to knowledgeable commenters in this post it was the preferred batch of vidders who had a hard year and weren't as prolific as expected. I wish that was comforting. I have a hard time drumming up empathy for faceless masses. And after attending a paltry three Escapades vid shows the impression I've always gotten was that there's a little too much resting on ones laurels and complacency for my taste.

I LOVE the new hotel. Granted I didn't interact with the staff at all since I was on somebody else's ticket, but oh god. I love the decor of the rooms, I slept through people talking in the morning (i.e. I slept good) and if you go out the back of the lobby, turn right and walk about 200 feet? YOU ARE IN THE SAND. Some people complained about the beds being too hard and the lack of hot tub, but clearly I was not the former and the latter is inconsequential to me.

The Best:
This was the best Escapade ever. Yes even better than last year with the gay and the girlfriend. Because that actually had nothing to do with Escapade except that that's where [livejournal.com profile] gelasius and I met. So I didn't go to many panels. I sat in on the Sunday Torchwood panel, b'c [livejournal.com profile] mistressace said "Come with us" and... well she's Ace. They were attempting to map out Jack's time line. I was on my laptop hacking my windows mobile phone (rather repairing it from the hack I had performed Friday night) listening quietly and being amused by [livejournal.com profile] minotaur shhing me with his hand when I mentioned my adoration for Gwen/Jack. I don't know why anyone would want to map out Jack's timeline, but the room seemed to be enjoying itself so I sat quietly. I went to other panels, but I don't really remember them. My favorite panel was [livejournal.com profile] sherrold's panel. I could tell you what it was about (genderfuck/bodyswap) but I don't really care. Because I got my Escapade back that is mine.

This was the best Escapade ever because [livejournal.com profile] sherrold was back! SHE WAS RETURNED TO ME SAFE AND AS DIRRTY AS EVER THANK YOU DEITIES!!

I didn't quite know this (figured it out this weekend obviously), but [livejournal.com profile] sherrold is a HUGE part of my Escapade experience. She wasn't there last year. There was this cancer thing? That tried to kill her. AND UTTERLY FAILED. At the vid show last year they called her and put her on speaker phone and I remember getting all choked up and teary. I didn't remember this until yesterday though. Did I mention [livejournal.com profile] lierdumoa and I almost broke up? Oh and I went a little gay? Yeah... so I wasn't really cataloging the absence of McPosse's first adopted childe [livejournal.com profile] sherrold. Or as we like to call her: Deb. B'c when she gets her groove on? She Debauches the Young. So... Deb. Get it? GET IT?!

I got my Escapade back and it's shiny.
grooving to: Bonde Do Role - Office Boy (Shir Khan Remix)
mood:: tired
08 March 2008 @ 02:21 am
I got sponsored at the last minute! [livejournal.com profile] delibby is just that awesome! I'll be showing up Saturday morning-ish. You will see me at the Veritas: The Quest pimping panel. Or as I like to call it: Jailbait and his Daddy King Soloman and Papa The Mummy.

So text me or better yet send me an e-mail: username [at] gmail [dot] com. I'm such an uber geek these days. l have all my e-mail accounts hooked into my work phone that I kind of maybe really love more than my personal phone.

If I have not met you and you want to say hi don't be shy! Just come say hi! *I* can do all the talking for us!
27 February 2007 @ 05:16 pm
Things I Learned (about me) at Escapade  
I can touch people and feel safe.
I love being "petted" - having my back stroked, snuggled in the crook of someone's arm, and fingers combing through my hair.
Being petted makes me feel safe.
[livejournal.com profile] permetaform loves me like burning and now she knows it too! I mean she *knew* but now she *understands*!
The labeling system I use for my identity (sexual or otherwise) is full of mistakes. Some I made on purpose to mislead myself and some got thrown into the mix after the whole thing started. Now I have a ton of containers and boxes to go through, reorganize and relabel.
I'm really useful when friends are in crisis. Their pain and strange behavior doesn't intimidate or throw me off. It brings up a well of strength, purpose, love and compassion.
I think I would really really enjoy crisis work.
I like girls! Yes in *that* way.
Con hookups are fun!
I have a girl hip kink.
Smell means a LOT to me. And when I'm lusting at a person who smells right? I... I like it a LOT and may on occasion request that they not bathe that day or wear the same shirt they wore the day before so I can just sit there and inhale.
I might have a pillow fetish.
Commanding the attention of and interacting with a room full of people (modding a panel) makes me feel like a rock star.
I'm not very reliable. And even if I *say* I can be counted I'm most likely playing the "yes man" card and haven't actually thought out the logistics. Parts of that are tied up in not wanting to be responsible and then expecting those people who are depending on me to whip *me* into shape if I'm fucking up. That way it's not "my fault" if plans go to shit. And plans go to shit around me All The TIME.
I need to think more along the lines of, What I'd like to see happen... and What would you like to see happen? instead of, I'll say I can do this thing for you because I think it would make you happy and like/love/approve of me more. But i haven't actually considered all the logistics and might flake out in the end anyway. I need to not be that girl. Like REALLY A LOT.
Commanding the attention of and interacting with a room full of people (modding a panel) makes me feel like a rock star.
grooving to: lier drawing a napping permetaform
mood:: thinky
locale: tigress35's couch
26 February 2007 @ 04:15 am
Best. Escapade. EVAR.  
I mean I know it was only my second Escapade but still! I loved every panel I went to. All two of them. Oh and the two panels I co-modded were MADE OF AWESOME!!! ::is a l33t r0ck st4r:: Yeah 3 days and 4 panels. Gave me more time to hang out with some of my favorite people. Escapade is our Mardi-Gras weekend. Fandom and Debauchery. ::happysigh::

I have many things to discuss inside and outside of fandom. I learned so much this weekend about the "kind of person" I am and the "sort of person" I want to be. I'm in a new place of freedom that isn't scary so much as it is... I'm... gah not reinventing but like... I put the pieces of me that didn't fit with the Family into boxes and purposely mislabeled them. I've started going through the boxes and... It's not that "I'm not myself" so much that "myself" can change from minute to minute depending on which box I've just opened. Things that I've said Very FIRMLY just in the last month ARE TOTAL AND UTTER LIES.

I'm a dirty dirty liar!

Tomorrow I'll be posting more about that and how AWESOME Escapade was.
mood:: spent
locale: tigress35's couch
grooving to: SV S2 Gag Reel
21 January 2007 @ 05:36 am
Escapade and hotel stuff  
I booked two rooms b'c I was gonna have a big bash. But some people had to cancel. And now I need more people. So... Who wants to come join the party?!?

I'm staying with [livejournal.com profile] permetaform, [livejournal.com profile] lierdumoa, [livejournal.com profile] spaggel, and our newest mcposse member [livejournal.com profile] poisontaster! We've also added [livejournal.com profile] denyce36 and [livejournal.com profile] anoel.

We're a young fun loving crowd who knows how to behave but our dialog is often "racy and unsuitable for sensitive ears"TM [livejournal.com profile] lierdumoa

We're arriving at various times Thursday night. If this sounds fun to you or anybody you know send 'em my way!
12 March 2006 @ 06:43 am
Best. Con. Ever. - [livejournal.com profile] escapade_con Part I - The People  
I met some of my fic mommies at [livejournal.com profile] escapade_con. I am very proud of myself for acting like a normal human person thing. I think it really helped that back in March I began stalking got in touch with and met [livejournal.com profile] permetaform. When we met she came at me in a hug like fashion and well... what's a girl to do? Girl hugs a BNF. And I had that ultimate fantasy fulfilled because [livejournal.com profile] permetaform, [livejournal.com profile] lierdumoa and I are basically BFFs. I mean [livejournal.com profile] lierdumoia lives with me and has taught me that I meta and [livejournal.com profile] permetaform betas my stuff and makes it 100 times better.

I may have pounced on [livejournal.com profile] cjandre a little too enthusiastically at [livejournal.com profile] bascon but... it was after the Why slash? panel and I was all full of love for my fellow fen! I was in a huggin' mood and she was *right there* and beautiful. But after BASCon I tried to approach celeb fen differently. I just didn't approach people that got me all excitable right after a panel. I caught [livejournal.com profile] shrift outside with a cigarette. She is the epitome of chill and I want to buy her a pint of some dark brew.

[livejournal.com profile] lierdumoa introduced me to [livejournal.com profile] khaleesian between panels on Friday. Bitches she is shiny and bubbly joy wrapped up in Six like hotness. She strutted around in leather pants on Saturday. I have envy. Or I would have envy if I had any shame left. Mostly I admire and pity the fools she suckers into doing her bidding on a daily basis.

[livejournal.com profile] blackmeow is like home. She is quirky with straight dark hair, short bangs and crimson lipstick. She even had those pointy round black glasses. Bitches, I lived on Haight St. in San Francisco and... she's just home.

[livejournal.com profile] lierdumoa introduced me to [livejournal.com profile] maygra at some point and we really took to each other! On Saturday [livejournal.com profile] maygra spent a good chunk of time petting my hair. Bitches I love [livejournal.com profile] maygra kind of a lot. I will be making it to [livejournal.com profile] escapade_con every year just to see her.

K'Kathy is my sister in dark!fic. She and I reconnected and talked about [livejournal.com profile] darkfanfic and the fact that I live so close to her... *G*

[livejournal.com profile] mistressace is like that suave older cousin I always wished for. She understands the Dark and... bitches to see her carriage in a panel... it is a sigh to behold. Though I have a strong strong urge to see her barefoot and in jeans.

As mentioned before [livejournal.com profile] diluvian let me fix her computer and... she's so fucking sparkley. Her hair is just... It's like she and Ace are cut from one of those 'modern art' fashion zines. They are just a delight for the eyes. And oh god the DARK. I love the Dark.

[livejournal.com profile] smutcutter is a sensible mama bear who edits porn for a living. I got hit on by a beautiful man Friday night. It was one of those Best. Con. Ever. moments that could've potentially gone sour. Bitches this man hit on me so well that I did give him my number. Unfortunately for him he called me at about 2am while I was at [livejournal.com profile] smutcutter room party, drunk and a little stoned. [livejournal.com profile] smutcutter reminded me that a bachelor party is like a frat party. I didn't head the beautiful mans' booty call. I hate frat boys.

I sat down next to a lovely talkative woman Friday night at a little dinner [livejournal.com profile] khaleesian invited us too. At some point [livejournal.com profile] permetaform was perched on the arm of my chair. We, simultaneously, checked out the badge of our conversation partner. Bitches I'd been talking to Bren without even realizing it.


I'd been talking to Bren for some time without knowing who she was distracted as I was A) by her beautifully intricate tattoo - that was just inches from my face and B) her ability to not only keep up with me but pull me along in conversation. She is a shiny shiny woman who can weave and flow and keep up with me and tease me out into topics that are rich and full. I'm sorry, but I can't hep but wax poetic. Bren is one of my fic mommies. She's up there with [livejournal.com profile] spike21 and [livejournal.com profile] thete1. Who I think are the only two fen left I'd actually spaz over. I always figured I'd spaz over Bren, but... it was too late to spaz by the time I realized who she was. Instead I will just love her and her well organized crossover panel.

God this is trite but it needs to be said: Take it from this 8 year lurker. Fen? Are just Fen. *g*
grooving to: Digital Get Down - N'Sync
12 March 2006 @ 01:09 am
Crack Meta - Or: How [livejournal.com profile] fashes does meta. and GIP!  
Meta from [livejournal.com profile] escapade_con:
[livejournal.com profile] kathyem1 a.k.a. K'Kathy: Spike has a squishy interior.

[livejournal.com profile] sherrold (paraphrased): SGA fic is the Wind Beneath Our Wings.

[livejournal.com profile] sherrold: Lorne is Military. He has a scientist (on his team). IT MUST BE TRUE LOVE!!!

[livejournal.com profile] elke_tanzer: [livejournal.com profile] sisabet taught me about hip-hop.

[livejournal.com profile] fashes:
Dean would do himself if he hadn't been evil that one time.

Lee Adama is a Tactful Stick.

I'm currently listening to Liars. They are cracktastic. They are crazy dark spooky crack. They are so full of crack they are crack in their soul cavities. as they are soulless, see?

I've been told by many a black man that Justin Timberlake is the illest black man that Ever LIVED. *points to icon*
mood:: content
grooving to: Liars - You, Drum
28 February 2006 @ 03:58 am
pre Con report Report. Something.  
I haven't done anything today but lie on my couch and watch tv. But, I am still tired. Escapade was my first vacation/road trip and it was *work*. Thank god [livejournal.com profile] permetaform and I can babble on for 4 hours straight driving up Hwy 101. Because dude? Even if there had been a $tarbucks I wouldn't have given them my money. But that's another post.

Also? It's official. [livejournal.com profile] permetaform, [livejournal.com profile] lierdumoa and I are a posse. We committed crime or Performance Fan Art. Depending on your POV.

And as a crime posse? We adopted [livejournal.com profile] sherrold. But only when she's inebriated. When she's inebriated she is debauchery personified. We went to [livejournal.com profile] smutcutter's room party after Friday's meet and greet. [livejournal.com profile] sherrold, [livejournal.com profile] frahulettaes, and other people I don't know the name of. God it was so much fun. When we left I turned to lier and permeta and said, "Dude, she called me young and nubile and I felt all perved on. [livejournal.com profile] sherrold is debauchery personified... *dreamy eyes*"

lier/permeta: Oh hey! We adopted her!
fashes: *flits in* Oh we did? Coooool. I... I feel like... I feel like I met Debauchery. She IS Debauchery! *pause* Let's call her Deb!
lier: OMG She IS! *literally fallz over laughing*
permeta: *almost fallz over laughing*
grooving to: Farscape 3x06
mood:: tired
25 February 2006 @ 01:31 am
So... Escapade  
I am at Escapade.

I am in an impromptu room party with so much booze OMG and fen that are so much drunker than I am.

I met one of my most favoritest author ever. Like... I grew UP in X-Files. SHE is from there. I... go to her journal when I find a new fandom just to see!



Hate me! I. Don't. Care. BEST DAY EVAR!!
mood:: drained
grooving to: drunken fangirl chatter
22 February 2006 @ 05:27 am
Hey Los Angeles Fen! Escapade here I come!  
Driving town to Escapade tomorrow. Am spending Wednesday night at [livejournal.com profile] tigress35's in Burbank. OMG YAY!!! And should be con-side in Ventura Thursday night. I dunno what internet'll be like, so call me if you're interested in getting together! I know there's like one or two of you on here who live in the LA area!

I'd also just like to say that I'm currently using the Best Mood Icon EVAR!!!
mood:: energetic
25 January 2006 @ 04:15 am
[livejournal.com profile] lierdumoa, [livejournal.com profile] permetaform and I are driving down to Escapade this year.



grooving to: Blow Ya Mind - Lock 'N Load
mood:: bouncy