13 February 2008 @ 12:40 am
The Family is GOOD. Work is also good. Girlfriend is awesome!  
George and Fred are doing really really awesome. George is taking classical guitar lessons and helping Dad out with the computer business. Fred can handle his stress hectic job without the desperate urge to run from the room. Fred is also back to photography! He and Dad accidentally discovered this new lighting method to use in the house and the results are BREATH TAKING OMG!! Like... Fred's soul? Aura, essence, State of Being shows up in his photography. George's in his music. And Fred's photography is so... gah. I'll try to get some for posting, but it may prove to be difficult, perfectionist that he is.

Work continues to be awesome.

[livejournal.com profile] gelasius is coming out for our birthdays - end of March or early April. Yes, I'll be bringing her 'round. Or maybe we'll all just meet up for chicken and waffles?
grooving to: Claude VonStroke - Cicada 17 Year Mix [Justin Martin Remix]
mood:: relaxed
31 December 2007 @ 01:08 am
So hey whirld. How you be?  
I'm goooood. [/peanut]

So you wanna hear what's been going on? I know I haven't told you in a while. Wow. I feel all powerful and full of rich juicy gossip. Or something. Okay we're going to do this in list format:
  • My Parents are now living in Berkeley full time.
  • With George and Fred.
  • George is doing AWESOME.
  • Fred is good pretty damn good.
  • I LOVE MY JOB LIKE BURNING. I'm sending my NY cohorts baked goods to reward them for their AWESOMENESS.
  • i have no off season for pollen disease in southern california. this makes me very upset. but i refuse to emote over it. so this is my pissy non-emoting font.
  • My girlfriend? Yeah, the same one as before. SHE LOVES ME LIKE BURNING. And there were those few months between my NY trip and wincon where she was doing a *thing* and coming to grips with our relationship and RAN AWAY AND WASN'T TALKING TO ME. And stuff. And so I gave her some space. Which was pretty easy because that was the time George was in and out of the hospital and then Fred and... stuff. So [livejournal.com profile] gelasius had space and we talked about it and it brought us closer (as these things do with us) AND NOW SHE IS THE MOST AWESOME GIRLFRIEND IN CREATION. Oh wait 'till I tell you about Chicago bitches. It gets its own post. THERE WAS SO MUCH GOOD FOOD OMG. And this white stuff, on the ground? I think they call it snow? ;-D
  • Did I mention I got a raise at my 90 day review? And I wasn't even *supposed* to. THEY LOVE ME THAT MUCH. *\o/*
This update was interrupted by [livejournal.com profile] permetaform's need to go to the hospital - again. She's totally fine! It turns out the advice nurse (on the phone) was over reacting a bit and the ER doc totally didn't think it meritted an ER vist. [livejournal.com profile] permetaform has a delightful account here
  • Life is my new favorite show. Expect pimping.
  • The music on Life just... rocks my world. I want ALL of it. Every ep has me scouring the interwebs for tracks and artists I never even heard of before. And there is a convenient list here.
  • I went to a dyke bar in Chicago and discovered that I'm ridonkulously gay for [livejournal.com profile] gelasius but not quite so gay for the world, while [livejournal.com profile] gelasius is perhaps a little more gay. More details in a post that is not the general Chicago post.
  • I can not work 15 hour days ontop of "normal" 12 hour days. And don't get mad at my job. I did that to myself. I mean granted, I support a bunch of impatient, can't-clear-a-paper-jam-to-save-their-lives LA people but Jack (my boss) also agrees that I was working too much. Y'know... BECAUSE I BROKE STUFF AND THEN GOT ON A PLANE FOR CHICAGO. ::cough:: And he uh... had to clean up my mess.
  • I haven't been to the Bay Area in almost a month and I Am Fiending. Which I put in the WIN collumn of LA Hasn't Turned Me.
  • [livejournal.com profile] lierdumoa wrote me bandom baby fic for christmas. No for srs. Look!
  • [livejournal.com profile] gelasius and I talk on the phone, near daily, for like 4 hours at a stretch.
  • I'm sure there's more, but I'm tired and I started this post more than 24 hours ago. It needs posting.
Anything you wanna know?
grooving to: Dexter 2x07-12 and then Tin Man
mood:: content
21 October 2007 @ 06:15 pm
Hung out with George ALL DAY Yesterday  
George is at this *awesome* half-way house in the South Bay. It's homey and has a backyard. Yesterday being Saturday he had free time from 11-11pm. I picked him up at 2:00 with [livejournal.com profile] permetaform and we went to iHOP. So good. Then we hung out on Robert's couch the rest of the WHOLE DAY. It was really awesome, just lazying around in a sibling pile. We had a really good talk, that I'll post about later. I just wanted to let you all know that George is keeping on his meds and *wants* to (for now) be sane.

mood:: chipper
grooving to: Cobra Starship - The World Has Its Shine (But I Would Drop It On A Dime)
02 October 2007 @ 10:54 pm
Cannabis Induced Psychosis strikes again!  
Links to articles and information here:

Guess what Fred's been doing the past few months? SMOKING LOTS OF WEED.

Fred was totally Fred like when I saw him over the weekend. Yes, I went up North and told hardly anybody. B'c my calendar was full with my favorite tutoring client, George, Fred and half a day of nothing on a couch.

Fred was smoking joints a day. Multiple. Multiple. Joints. A DAY. Getting more and more paranoid AND KEPT GOING. WTF IS WRONG WITH MY BROTHERS. I want them both in Narcotics Anonymous. Right fucking now.

George was even mostly back to himself. Had awareness and insight into his delusions. Week 4 of the meds is *working*. And there's this whole correlation between number of psychotic breaks and extended time to get back to reality. Breaking one's brain is the same as breaking bone. It's always a little more tender and each time you damage it, it can take that much longer to heal.

I'll try to post more this weekend, but work is... *work* and I come home dead tired a lot. But happy. I HEAR BOTH MY FANBOY BOSSES LIKE WHOA!!

ETA: If you have no idea what's been going on with regard to my brothers losing it and would *like* to, let me know. I've got it under an opt-in filter.
mood:: stressed
grooving to: New Young Pony Club - The Bomb
21 September 2007 @ 01:27 pm
A few more details on Fred.  
Fred photographs flowers. Beautifully. He makes that o'keefe person look like a doudy dull poser. Fred does things with lighting and *color* that just STUN the viewer. I'll probably post some of his work later. I mention this only b'c I heard from [livejournal.com profile] lierdumoa (who lives in the Berkeley House with most of my family) told me that Fred has lost his sense of aesthetics. Fred picked a filthy piece of something off the ground and wanted to give it to the girl he has a crush on. Mom stopped him. Told him that if he gave it to the woman she'd think he was "mad". But... that's the most devastating thing I can think of happening to Fred. Not knowing what's beautiful. Fred has also been clinically manic the past two months or so. He's hooked up with Berkeley Mental Health and Dad's taking him to a mental clinic where Fred can meet with a psychiatrist and get a 2 week supply of medication.

Fred may also be having visual hallucinations vs. George's memories being deluded with paranoia and grandness. Fred's been talking about haunted houses and demons. Demons! GAH! Poor Fred!!

I just got off the phone with the San Francisco coroner's office to confirm whether Chia had actually committed suicide/died. B'c George IS delusional and Dad was also thinking Chia's mom might've just been trying to keep George from calling the house - which he apparently had been. Chia is dead. My very first thought when George told me was OH THANK GOD YOU TWO BROKE UP MONTHS AGO. Second thought was Shit! Poor George! Third thought was a fist pump of win b'c SHE CAN'T BREAK HIM ANYMORE!!! And then I did lots of authentic empathy things on the phone at him.

I feel very proud of all my hard work and therapy that ding dong the bitch is dead was my *third* thought. Though I don't hold any of you to the same standard. Some of you may be fond of George through me and a tiny handful of you have met him, but he's not your brother. You aren't talking to him on the phone Every Day. You can totally celebrate first if you want. *g*

I know some of you are concerned but I really am doing okay. If I fall apart this weekend I'll let you know.

Oh and I caught a cold MY SECOND WEEK AT WORK. WOO!! ::rollseyes:: Someone let me touch their equipment while they were ill. Of course NOW I remember that I need hand sanitizer ON MY DESK AT ALL TIMES. B'c I crawl under desks, use other peoples keyboards/mouses, etc., etc.


grooving to: Justin Timberlake - Floatin'
mood:: sick
20 September 2007 @ 09:51 pm
So remember that girl that George was dating and dumped him?  
Chia committed suicide a few days ago. George found out yesterday.

Oh and Fred had his first psychotic break last night. Fred's 27.

I am in my logic place. Where unsettling emotions don't unsettle me.



B'c yesterday after the Tool was being all TOOL SHAPED My two bosses in New York TOTALLY CALLED ME to offer support and said nice things. And then today one of them would call and the other would e-mail me whenever I e-mailed the lot of IT with questions. AND I TOTALLY DIDN'T HAVE TO DEAL WITH THE TOOL EVEN ONE TIME. \o/

And my shiny geek boss showed up at work this morning and EVERY TIME HE TALKS TO ME HE ASKS ME HOW I'M DOING. Not in that "Fine. Fine" sort of way, but genuine concern and stuff. And everybody thinks I'm a rock star!

I have another whole post to do on the difference between jerks and assholes and how I can adore the former but loathe the latter LIKE WHOA.
mood:: tired
27 August 2007 @ 09:50 pm
I have THREE job interviews this week - possibly four if I get an e-mail tomorrow morning. THREE!!

I have an interview at a placement agency tomorrow. They want me to write a 3rd person testimonial of my skillz. IT'S LIKE THE WORLD H8S ME!!

LOOK AT MY MUSIC SELECTION!!! LOOK AT IT!! I have my Britney mix on. Help?! CLEARLY I AM IN A PLACE. ::twirls bangs endlessly::

ETA: Oh god [livejournal.com profile] goluxexmachina is SAVING ME OMG!!! THE JARGON IS JUST LANDING ON THE PAGE NOW!!!

Yes, yes things on the George front are going really well. Details tomorrow night hopefully. Lets just say that my Dad is a rock star and that makes all the difference in Teh Whirld. \o/
grooving to: Britney Spears - What It's Like To Be Me (ft. Mr. Timberlake)
mood:: distressed
23 June 2006 @ 01:07 am
Cannabis Psychosis  
ETA: I totally wrote this up two days ago but didn't post it.

God love the Internets. I'm feeling much more educated, which lessens the OMG CRAZY response in me. *G* Here's what I've found so far:

Good primer for the bad sides of cannabis and drug-induced psychosis, all bolding is mine:
How long do the effects last?
The effects begin within minutes and can last for up to several hours. For people with a psychotic illness, or who have a predisposition to such an illness, the effects can be more serious and long-term. Psychotic illnesses are characterized by symptoms such as delusions, hallucinations and thought disorder. When people experience psychotic symptoms, they are unable to distinguish what is real —there is a loss of contact with reality.

Does cannabis cause psychotic illnesses such as schizophrenia?
Use of cannabis can cause a condition called drug-induced psychosis. This usually passes after a few days. However, if someone has a predisposition to a psychotic illness such as schizophrenia, these drugs may precipitate the first episode in what can be a lifelong, disabling condition.

How does cannabis affect someone who has a psychotic illness?
Cannabis generally makes psychotic symptoms worse and lowers the chances of recovery from a psychotic episode. People with a psychotic illness such as schizophrenia who use such drugs experience more hallucinations, delusions and other symptoms; they have a higher rate of hospitalization for psychosis and treatment is generally less effective.

So should people with a psychotic illness avoid drugs such as cannabis?
Yes. The consequences can be so serious for the person’s health that it is best to avoid drugs such as cannabis completely. It can be helpful to look at other, healthier ways of relaxing and socialising as an alternative.

This is what really *really* hit home for me - again all bolding is mine:
Acute Symptoms of Cannabis Psychosis
Often the combination of symptoms makes one suspicious that schizophrenia is present but at the same time there is an affective component. There may be the suspicion that the condition, either in part of whole, is feigned for reasons that are unclear because the pattern of symptoms do not fall easily into the usual criteria for psychosis. Drug taking is often denied, or the amount that is admitted by the patient is so little that one cannot say that this accounts for the current symptoms. Worse still, patients may not even consider Cannabis as an illicit or dangerous drug and so do not mention using it. Hallucinations are vague and delusions may be transitory with little in the way of thought disorder. There is often a lack of volition and a history of gradually deteriorating social ability and contact with others, including significant others. This history will often be verified by relatives and close friends who may be either completely ignorant of the drug taking, or confirm that there has been some in the past but believe that there has been little drug taking recently. There is often a depressive component with suicide attempts in the past but nothing recent or, if there is, then they are only ineffectual pleas for help. The person has usually lost his or her job some months or weeks before due to their poor performance at work. There is often very poor memory and concentration, which may be marked at the time of presentation. Paranoid delusions may be present and quite severe which can be the most alarming psychotic feature and result in hospital admission. If confronted with aggressive and authoritarian staff, who indicate verbally or non-verbally, that they do not believe the patient, the patient may become violent or simply leave against medical advice. There is a slow and gradual effect of cannabis and the symptoms continue to worsen for some time after the person stops using it. Thus by the time of presentation the person may be so disorganized and confused that they can’t even arrange their next “cone” or “joint”. Over the following few days the symptoms ease quickly. The improvement is easily credited to the neuroleptics and/or the antidepressants, which may in fact have contributed to the improvement. Symptoms such as the paranoia, hallucinations and depression fade until the patient is allowed to go on leave from the hospital and, a worsening of the symptoms may follow this. More often than not the nursing staff are the first to become suspicious that drugs have been taken when the patient is on leave from the hospital.

New medical studies indicate that cannabis is more dangerous than we previously thought - especially to teens:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Marijuana#Health_issues_and_the_effects_of_cannabis with references: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Marijuana#_note-Dunedin
news sites:

This woman talks about the "awakening" affect of her paranoia.
locale: kitchen table
grooving to: lierdumoa is cooking