fashes
12 July 2008 @ 11:13 pm
Best. Website. Ever.  
If you like trailers. And I do!

My baby bro, now taking his meds and quite sane thank you, told me about this site.

http://www.traileraddict.com/

Also? If you want to hang out with the funniest [livejournal.com profile] permetaform ever? GIVE HER SCOTCH.

*\o/*
 
 
grooving to: AVP
mood:: high
 
 
fashes
21 April 2007 @ 04:01 pm
Voice Post - Things of Suck and YAY! [livejournal.com profile] permetaform is driving north  
 
 
fashes
03 April 2007 @ 03:42 am
I have Touch issues. No for serious. It's like a Prison in here.  
I don't touch people. I can be touched and I welcome it, but I don't reach out. I barely hug my own people, have to remind myself every time. I didn't used to be this way. I used to lay in a dog pile with my brothers. I used to glomp my Dad when he came home. Something *happened* between all the abuse and my brothers looking at me and seeing Girl, and I don't know how many Talks with my Mom about how I'm "too affectionate" with "the guys". And it sucks. It sucks ASS. But it's finally getting better. I had a little help recently...


Lacy and I had the girlsex. She's fannish and we met at a fannish thing. Yes, I'm being vague and using a fake name. Not because she asked me to. But because that those of you who know who she is, know. Those of you who don't, don't *need* to.

Sadly Lacy lives on a different coast. We had the one very short number of days together and now we spend a lot of time on chat. My body misses her like burning. And it's not even a sexual thing (mostly). I can *touch* Lacy without my brain. Even with [livejournal.com profile] permetaform my brain is On. I know exactly which patches of clothed and unclothes skin are touching her. I am not often relaxed. I am Aware. But I'm determined to touch her, the one most Important to me. I only began touching [livejournal.com profile] permetaform last October. That was so hard. Just... I had to *will* myself to lean my leg on hers during a movie. It felt unnatural. Touching someone.

With Lacy there's no brain. I just... dive into the circle of her arms if that's where I want to be. Even before the sex. As soon as we made a Connection I was In Her Space. Before my desires were sexual. I wonder if the sexual desire came out of the comfort and ease of Touch? If that was part of my initial attraction to her? I know there are certain things about her that make her more *for* me rather than *with* me. [livejournal.com profile] permetaform is With me.

Lacy reads the subtle nuances of body language, eye shifting, vocal resonance and... She read my deer eyed skittishness like I was speaking plainly and with proper English at her. She read me like I was actually the open book I was trying to be. Even when I couldn't look her in the eyes for my skittishness, she knew I wasn't rejecting her. She knew I was just freaking out - kind of a lot. Lacy and I made a strong emotional connection before we met, so our meeting was charged with intimacy and trust that might not be genuine. I was afraid.

I forced myself to have a conversation with Lacy about my skittishness and bone deep desire to Touch her, but needing an out right invitation from her own body. And how horribly foreign this Touch barrier is for me. How painful and exhausting. Then I laid my head down next to her thigh and she stroked my hair. I felt Home and Welcome and not separate anymore. Like she's here For me.

The next day was all about Touch. I sat in the circle of her arms and thighs on the floor during a media viewing. I was just... I was Welcome. My brain didn't have to *think*. Well okay, once my brain realized I was having more than platonic desires there were new Touch boundaries to establish. Hand on knee, to thigh, to inner thigh oh my! But it was effortless. I asked permission with my body's movements and she gave with hers.

I want to have that effortlessness with Everybody. I mean I don't want to grope the world or anything. I just want to not be locked in this Prison where I can't Touch my own people without Thought and Concentration. I want Touch to be natural again.


ETA: After my time with Lacy touching my own people became easier. I can girl pile with [livejournal.com profile] permetaform now. My brain's still on, but I assume that will fade over time. I've been worried that *I* was broken, but I'm not. I can Touch people. I'm just ridiculously (8-12 years) out of practice. I just need to reacquaint myself and my body with a process that is now foreign to me.
 
 
mood:: thoughtful
grooving to: PJ Harvey - It's You
 
 
fashes
14 February 2007 @ 06:46 pm
Sadly we don't have an OTP icon yet  
But we still bring Teh Crezeh.

[livejournal.com profile] permetaform: PENGUINS
OMG
[livejournal.com profile] fashes: ::is confused::
[livejournal.com profile] permetaform: AWWWWW
I leave it on pbs normally
cause it's forsure not HD
so I sometimes get surprised by awesome stuff on pbs
LIKE BABY PENGUINS
[livejournal.com profile] fashes: ::pets::
[livejournal.com profile] permetaform: MCMURDO
THEY'RE AT MCMURDO
XD
omg, I want john meeting a penguin fic
o.o
[livejournal.com profile] fashes: oh god
NO
[livejournal.com profile] permetaform: 'cause they have a RANCH THERE
[livejournal.com profile] fashes: NO MORE PENGUIN FIC
[livejournal.com profile] permetaform: of PENGUINS
[livejournal.com profile] fashes: I WILL CUT YOU
[livejournal.com profile] permetaform: XD
[livejournal.com profile] fashes: DON'T YOU REMEMBER??
[livejournal.com profile] permetaform: ...omg
[livejournal.com profile] fashes: SGA GOT EATEN BY PENGUIN FIC
[livejournal.com profile] permetaform: omg they actually named one Rodney
o.0

[livejournal.com profile] fashes: I h8 you right now.
[livejournal.com profile] permetaform: ^__^
[livejournal.com profile] fashes: mmhmm.
[livejournal.com profile] permetaform: they totally did
[livejournal.com profile] fashes: h8
[livejournal.com profile] permetaform: after Rodney Dangerfield
[livejournal.com profile] fashes: mmhmm
h8
[livejournal.com profile] permetaform: ^_^
CritterCam!
[livejournal.com profile] fashes: why would john hang with penguins?
THEY DON'T EVEN FLY
[livejournal.com profile] permetaform: yeah, but he can't help it if he's stationed at mcmurdo
and has to ship strange ppl around
and there's a RANCH
and omg they crittercam'ed Rodney
[livejournal.com profile] fashes: ONLY IF
[livejournal.com profile] permetaform: Rodney is looking for lunch right now
shh
[livejournal.com profile] fashes: john is calling Rodney "Rodney the Penguin" in his head.
[livejournal.com profile] permetaform: heh
awwwwwwww
babies!
oh god, hungry teens
XD
Rodney came back!
[livejournal.com profile] permetaform: IT
IT"S THE CIIIIIRCLE OF LIIIIFE
[livejournal.com profile] fashes: so creeeeezeh
Why did we get married?
DID I KNOW ABOUT THIS BEFORE?
[livejournal.com profile] permetaform:
I dunno
I'm watching penguins get eaten
[livejournal.com profile] fashes: Ah.
Well that makes more sense then.
I thought you were turning into a crazy old lady.
[livejournal.com profile] permetaform: circle of life yo
circle of LIFE
[livejournal.com profile] fashes: yis yis
[livejournal.com profile] permetaform: ohhh they're breaking down Penguin Ranch
[livejournal.com profile] fashes: this pleases me.
[livejournal.com profile] permetaform:
oh hey, they're shedding
[livejournal.com profile] fashes: <-- h8s the penguin fic so much omg!!
[livejournal.com profile] permetaform: XD
[livejournal.com profile] fashes: YOU WEREN'T AT THE SGA PANEL WHERE I HECKLED THE PENGUIN FIC
OR YOU WERE....
[livejournal.com profile] permetaform: ?
was I?
[livejournal.com profile] fashes: the one Sandy ran
I dunno. ONE of you were there. And I can't keep track of who's where.
[livejournal.com profile] permetaform: ohhh
hee yeah I was
I think I was just amused
hee! they're dueling!
omg custody battles!
[livejournal.com profile] fashes: you're cray
cazy
bah!
 
 
grooving to: Hotel Song - Regina Spektor
 
 
fashes
28 January 2007 @ 03:49 am
Depression lifting?  
I've been able to get out of bed lately. I haven't slept past 3pm on the weekends for two weekends until today - where I slept 'till 7. And I think I didn't get to sleep until 7am... so it's not like I slept 16 hours or anything. Which is good. And I got my dreams back! And even though I'm not always fond of these intricate epic dreams I have (last night I was the aid to a king fighting a medieval battle against Evil) but when I'm not having them I know I'm below par. I attribute these changes to the upped paxil dose (40mg) and the fact that [livejournal.com profile] permetaform isn't sinking anymore. Is, in fact, rising! Taking care of herself and reaching out for support when she needs it. And I *totally* had my night of crying.

When there is a crisis I put all my sad and fearful emotions in a box and don't look at it until I know the crisis is over. So, I set Friday and Saturday aside to feel. And oh god did I ever *feel*. I think I wept (on and off) for like 2 hours. And stupid me didn't drink any water! oi! I just let all the sorrow and fear of losing [livejournal.com profile] permetaform wash over me and Let It Out. (No I didn't process the ex - if I even need to.) I just laid there in a heap on my bed holding those terrifying thoughts of not having her in my life b'c either A) she gave up and kept sinking and I couldn't watch anymore or B) She wasted all the way away and died. And I'd hold them for so long! I'd hold the until I wasn't afraid of them anymore. I cried the fear right out of me. It was awesome!

I woke up the next morning with a crying hangover and felt like shit. But then after therapy (which I was late to dammit!) I went back to bed for a while and when I woke up *that* time I felt awesome. All the jumpiness was just GONE. And I was cheery and [livejournal.com profile] lierdumoa didn't want to beat me anymore for infecting her with my grouch. I could TALK TO PEOPLE. [livejournal.com profile] denyce36 can tell you. I had to get off the phone with her twice this week b'c I started getting angry for no reason. I just Couldn't Talk with my mouth.

I'm really glad I did the cleansing Friday night b'c Saturday evening there was some wank with one of my friends that had to be handled. And I wasn't all especially pent up and overreacting. I mean there was some initial giant ass reacting while I was chillin' in [livejournal.com profile] lierdumoa's room and the whole incident was unfolding, but none of that leaked onto the wanker.

In conclusion! Me and my emotions are doing so much better. I really appreciate everyone who sent me kind words and thoughts. Thank you so much for thinking kindly of me when I *really* needed it! ♥♥♥
 
 
mood:: sleepy
grooving to: Twisty Bass - Neil Finn
 
 
fashes
24 January 2007 @ 03:46 am
Kittie. I'm fucking listening to K.I.T.T.I.E. oh god phear me. NO SERIOUSLY PHEAR ME BITCHES!!!  
So I was editing this post where I'm posting THE MOST AWESOME CRACK CHAT EVER. Seriously bitches. How often do you get a post titled masturbating and crying? Never! That's when. Okay, but I was typing the intro for this awesome awesome post and this is what I get straight out of my brain, no editing required:

Y'know how you and your friends have certain things you and your friends say.

WOW. Isn't that a speshull sentence right there? Yeah... I've been really really rilly tired lately. Like so tired I can't process what people are saying when they speak to me. I kept telling [livejournal.com profile] lierdumoa that I was a PII running Windows95 with only 32MB of RAM. So today was a nonverbal day and I didn't really work so much as futz around the office and back up software and update software and plan the week out. Y'know, that bullshit busy work.

I've been having a very... taxing week. There was the crazy stalker ex on Thursday and my LifeWife (hetero lifemate is too fucking long) had only *just* come out of hiding like TWO DAYS BEFORE!! AFTER DISAPPEARING FOR 18 FUCKING DAYS!!!! And I had to call her *roommate* (who thank GOD is a friend of mine and if you're wondering yes. Yes one of the driving motivaters to get them to room together was so I could keep an eye on my Wife.). AND THEN!! She didn't answer her phone until SUNDAY this week. She was the LAST TO KNOW about the ex and she's the Wife!! And then she... she was doing a *thing* that required THREE STRAIGHT DAYS OF YELLING!!!! THREE DAYS!!! And some of you understand that I yell with love. I really do. But... god I'm so tired. And my throat is sore. No seriously. It's fucking sore.

Because my LifeWife was... doing a *thing* and she didn't understand things that I thought were *basic* and I had to yell at her SO MANY TIMES TODAY!!! I HAD TO LAY MY HEAD DOWN ON THE CHAIR BECAUSE MY BRAIN WAS BREAKING!!! She's doing *much* better now. Don't worry. It's a Healing Yelling - Restorative even.

::snorfle:: Yes, yes that sounds tricksy and a little bit scary. She's doing much better! Seriously! We connected the dots and she stopped vomiting up redonkulousness* and my brain totally went back together again! It's all good!! I mean LOOK!! *WINZ*



I just wanted to *beat* people today. And not in the fun way. Like I really wanted to hit something. I was quaking with pent up rage. I made [livejournal.com profile] lierdumoa leave my room. Bitches I refused to watch Heroes - and you *know* how much I love the Petrellis (and if you don't you... oh god Nathan and the inappropriate touching OHMYGOD) - and I just couldn't stomach the show. I then realized I was grouchy and bitchy and OH GOD GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME ALL OF YOU!! So I started digging around for my 90s alt rock. Searching for that pure rage of adolescence. I thought STP? No, no. I'm not in the mood for fucking. Alice In Chains? Yes! That should do it! But no!! To pussied up for this mood. I want... rage pure and personified.

Kittie. Oh god I love them. But I can't listen to them when I'm in the good place. It hurts my ears. But right now? Oh god ECSTASY!! I mean I haven't heard the 2nd and 3rd album b'c I haven't been in THIS PLACE for THAT LONG!

So yeah I'm pissed and stuff. I'm angry my LifeWife's ignorance about her situation. I'm angry at her situation. I'm angry that What'shisname found me - even though I TOTALLY KNEW HE WOULD! I ran across a journal entry from three years ago where I'm praying, *praying* that he doesn't come find me until I'm ready. And god was I ever fucking *ready*. But I'm still pissed! Pissed that he hurt me in the first place! Pissed that George is walking around half terrified and Not Talking About It. And most of all pissed that I can't fix *any* of it. Not a god damn mother fucking thing. But me. So I'll do that.

ETA: I was wrong. I probably *did* listen to new Kittie and determined the same thing I did today. It totally sucks. Just... god it's all pretty and shit. Soft edges. Somebody homogenized them. ::wiggs::



Yeah ok. ::breathes:: God I love that all of you are here. I mean I know people read this and don't comment b'c they either tell me when I see them in person or when I talk to them on the phone. And those are obviously the people I know in *person*. So I figure there's a bunch of you I *don't* know in person who're here too! It makes me feel warm and fuzzy. I mean *I* think I'm awesome! And I think *you're* awesome! And some of you think *I'm* awesome! AND THAT'S JUST AWESOME!!! [/ashton-kutcher]



YES! The crack chat is still coming. heh heh She thsaid cumming. heh heh

* - redonkulousTM [livejournal.com profile] lierdumoa
 
 
mood:: drained
grooving to: Do You Think I'm A Whore - Kittie
 
 
fashes
31 December 2006 @ 06:56 am
The story of Sir.  
A *really* funny thing. [livejournal.com profile] permetaform was here for Christmas. Oh god she took such good care of me when I was dying sick. She made me soup - from scratch. Best wife evar omg. But okay, the funny...

Every good comedy has a little tragedy for perspective and shit, right? George used to call me mommy when he was a wee wee toddler. I mean I picked him up from day care every day and put Bambi in the VCR, made dinner, helped Fred with his homework and it wasn't our mother who huddled with them in the night after the Loma Prieta quake. Sadly one day when George was 3 or 4 our mother heard him call me mommy. That didn't go over well. Oh god she was so pissed. There are only a handful of times in my life that I've actively feared my mother - this was one of them. I don't remember what she said or did, but George never called me mommy ever again.

Then George started calling me ma'am. I was a fresh new teenager and just... NO. I don't remember if I said anything specific beyond, "You can't call me ma'am." But he started calling me Sir. And continued to call me Sir until he was taller than me. But this isn't the funny part.

I used to work at an insurance related dot com with my Dad. We were hired separately and he was sort of my supervisor. (We were basically the only two people in our department. *g*) And this was no fooseball loving dot com. Noooo. This was a stuffy office full of former insurance people. So what do you call your Dad at work? Jack? I mean there's no fucking way I can call my Dad Jack with a straight face. It's just... NO. Mr. Fashes? Ch'yeah. So I started calling him Sir around the office. And after a year or so of that I started calling him him Sir at home. Usually when making a request and always in mock seriousness. Okay now the funny part.

[livejournal.com profile] permetaform was here for a week over the holidays. We were in the kitchen one day and she turns to my Dad and is all, "Sir, blah blah question cakes?" At first I thought I misheard her b'c my Dad's actual name begins with an "S". But then she did it again. And again. [livejournal.com profile] permetaform totally just calls my dad Sir. Oh and because my Dad is awesome he never even flinched OR made eyes at me. And my Dad is the king of making eyes. She just totally calls my Dad Sir...

Not Dad's real name. Inspiration taken from the Best TV Dad Ever.
 
 
grooving to: Devour
mood:: nostalgic
 
 
fashes
21 November 2006 @ 10:36 pm
Voice Post - I just want it to stop succking.  
I miss my friend. When does it stop sucking this much? Sucks. Out. LOUD!

 
 
locale: DD's driveway in my car.
grooving to: Perfect Circle or the new diet Tool on the radio
mood:: depressed
 
 
fashes
20 November 2006 @ 04:36 am
Thanksgiving is my favorite but...  
My Thanksgiving plans have changed.

Twice. All abrupt like and out of the blue and stuff. Very inconvenient that.

First [livejournal.com profile] permetaform isn't coming up. Which sucks out loud as our departing after [livejournal.com profile] bascon was a wee bit traumatic for me. And then the event I was going to take her too... I'm not really invited to anymore. This lady throws a "Thanks" party for caterers and my brother's a caterer and he took us a couple of times. But apparently she's tightening it back to just the caterers. Harrumph.

And now i don't know what I want to do. I'm not prepared to do my own dinner and even if I could my oven has been broken for a while now. But I want to get together with people. I want to... be thankful and junk. And eat my weight in food. *G* I want to cook, but with *people* and... god I haven't cooked in *ages* and THIS is my Holiday.

I might drive down to visit [livejournal.com profile] permetaform, but I don't know if my car can take it or if I can borrow my sister's car.

I just want to be in a warm place with warm food, warm people and rain tinkling on the windows.
Tags: ,
 
 
grooving to: Fidelity - Regina Spektor
mood:: melancholy
 
 
fashes
07 August 2006 @ 03:55 am
Voice Post - wherein I freak out a lot - posse filter  


Unlocked 7/26/2008.
 
 
grooving to: xXx DVD Intro
mood:: *vibrates*
 
 
fashes
09 June 2006 @ 11:41 pm
*breathes actual air*  

[livejournal.com profile] permetaform IS BACK!!!

*breathes and does not break*

Also?

SHE IS NEVER ALLOWED TO LEAVE THE COUNTRY WITHOUT ME EVER AGAIN.

*crawls into a bottle to drink away the trauama*
Tags:
 
 
grooving to: Want - Disturbed
 
 
fashes
06 June 2006 @ 09:43 pm
Now that I'm and relaxing I'm apparently all in touch with my feelings and shit.  
Fuck.

*sigh* Ok, I thought I could coast through this crisis and do the denial thing and crash later. It's my thing. I'm calm in the storm and crash *after*... But apparently the larger crises? Kick me in the gut, knock me down and make me vomit my soul onto the hard ground that's cutting at my hands and grinding into my knees. God I'm seriously dizzy with the pain of this shit. Right so...

My 19yro Baby Bro moved out. He moved out because he thinks he should be allowed to smoke weed and I was being too "hostile" and "aggressive" on Saturday after I asked him if he was stoned and he said, "Yeah. Why? Does it matter?" And I didn't say anything, I just looked down at the kitchen table and waved him off. And proceeded to call my Dad to inform him that Boy was stoned - again. And then I grabbed purse and shoes and [livejournal.com profile] lierdumoa. On our way out the door I saw The Boy heading down the stairs and pointed him towards Dad who was going to his place (next door) and said that "Go talk to Dad. I can't talk to you. Can't be here when you're stoned." and I walked around with lier for a few hours. Bought [livejournal.com profile] goss some comicses and my Mom a book.

After established house rules and AFTER I TALKED HIM DOWN FROM A PSYCHOTIC LEDGE FOR FIVE FUCKING HOURS (Which not a whole lot of you know about b'c it was locked before. Now it's not.) The Boy got stoned again. And it's like I got left for this other woman named Mary Jane and he was my brother of 19 years, but now he's not. Something. He's an addict. The Weed Wins.

I know he's my brother - somewhere under the haze. I'm just not going to the ledge again with him. And he left. And he was mine before, but now he's not. And... we did it all wrong. Always it goes back the divorce and my Dad should've just taken all us kids and moved far far away from my birth mother's hate and vitriol. The Boy really couldn't handle the split - he was 11 months, I was 10 and I already knew our Dad, Boy never grew up in Dad's House. The Boy grew up in divided homes and... we think it broke him. He's more conventional than any of us could've fathomed and clearly needed more structure than we were capable of providing.

So he's gone to his (our birth) mother's until he "gets his own place" - with no job and no money. Whatever. But I'll track him down in the next week or so. I need to say shit to him before he disappears completely. Shit like I love him and I'll be here, but I can't watch him lose himself. And then I can let him go. And pray he soars someday.
 
 
grooving to: The Game - Disturbed
mood:: fount to the ground
 
 
fashes
06 June 2006 @ 05:26 pm
OMG!!! EMO GIRL *WHINES*  
Make it stop? Please?

In addition to forgetting to take a dose of pain killers for 3 hours and HAVING MY BRAIN DIE SO COMPLETELY 2 HOURS LATER IT HAS NOT RECOVERED I am being an emo emo girl.

My stomach hurts. Is a 24oz coffee too big with all these drugs I'm taking? No, seriously. I'm taking an ass load of drugs right now )

And I forgot my phone today so I can't make a certain phone call I want to make *koffsubtlekoff*, because I'm at work and there's no like *office* I can hide in. Plus [livejournal.com profile] permetaform is still gone and... God I hate mondays. Shut up I know it's Tuesday, but it's my Monday.

*groans and sneezes and groans some more*
 
 
locale: work
mood:: GAH!!!!
 
 
fashes
28 May 2006 @ 03:19 am
My natural resting place is just a notch below squee.  
Like if I reach my hands up above my head I can touch the squee. When I bounce my head is bouncing into it like the red balloon - you know the one. And sometimes I'll squee so high I can rub my hair on it and make it crackle.

I am not in my squee place. I can't reach the red balloon. It is aloft and such. And I am here on this earthen place and sad and mopey and oh god so cranky yesterday. Like so cranky my Dad was looking at me and *trying* not to do the I told you so but failing horribly. Or succeeding...

I gave him death glare. He kinda made eyes at me then. *sigh* And then I not!yelled at flaky people and actually went over to the apartment [livejournal.com profile] permetaform doesn't live in anymore and put a bunch of her stuff by the dumpster. And that sucked. But it was really awesome when I got home and found out she's going to Europe for two weeks!

Had. No. Idea.

So she leaves me. And then she Leaves The Country. And I'm going through a thing where I'm feeling unwanted and it hurts and I'm trying to be a grown up but that just makes me crankier and so very very bitter. And I'm totally not that person you can hug when she's cranky. I Will Cut You. CrazyBabyBro knows so he just quietly helped me put [livejournal.com profile] permetaform's apartment droppings by the dumpster while I cursed and hated everything. And I tried calling this the emo place but it's totally not. I'm just... feeling alone.

However, CrazyBabyBro cautioned me not to go to the black april place. The place I went to last year when J and her baby moved Across The Country. I broke. Really a lot. And I want to do the thing where I'm not showing the new people how damaged and scary I am. B'c I totally don't think I'm damaged and scary! I mean I'm a little bit scary to non-fen types who don't understand that stalking is a sign of love. But I'm totally adorable and funny.

God I hate this. This... whatever the fuck this is. This growing? Ohhh, this is *change*. I have heard of this "change." I mean normally I like change right? But *Control Enthusiast*. I'm not driving right now. And uncertainty? Makes me a lot little crazy.

I'm going to watch the Grey's Anatomy finale and have a good cry.
 
 
mood:: *presses hot forhead against cool metal*
 
 
fashes
25 May 2006 @ 03:17 am
So [livejournal.com profile] permetaform's leaving.  
I don't have an emo icon handy. *goes foraging* There. GIP!

Last March when [livejournal.com profile] permetaform and I met she was wearing a really loud horrible rainbow striped shirt - that I could tell she thought was cute but just looked ridiculous on her. She's pasty asian girl and that shirt was bordering on fluorescent. See? I'm bitter so I'm pointing this out to her for the first time. Yes it cupped her bosom nicely, but good god I wanted to burn my eyes out from looking at her. I seriously thought she might be mentally challanged because of that shirt. And did y'all know that [livejournal.com profile] permetaform's a hugger? *nods* She came at me all loud shirted and hugging.

You'd think that'd be that and I'd be like OMG I LOVE YOU FOREVER. But then she introduced me to [livejournal.com profile] lierdumoa and we were squeeful together and started talking *like* each other which was really weird for both of us. Especially since neither of us ever talked like "us" before we became "us." It kinda drove us crazy. I think only in the last few months has lier's and my speech pattern separated to a tolerable distance. *g* Anyway, lier and I squee'd a lot and then she moved in and her I.D. totally has my address on it. *G*

I was stand off-ish with [livejournal.com profile] permetaform in the beginning. She was quieter than lier and I... I have a hard time with quiet people sometimes. And then last fall [livejournal.com profile] permetaform beta'd one of my poems. And then we got to talking about how I write and her crazy parent, for which I gave her a book about (Toxic Parents) which she read and loved and made her parent behave better. *applauds* And now we're just these open mind/heart reading things and we both randomly collect rocks from meaningful experiences. She's just the one that remembers what the rocks mean. I had so many at one point I couldn't keep track and now they've been disbursed into various potted plants around the house. But I picked up a new one from the beach yesterday when [livejournal.com profile] permetaform and I were there.

We've already started raising our unborn children together. We, of course, have very similar fantasy parenting styles. Hell, I might even move to LA in two years just to be closer to her - if I can't get her to come back up here. *G* Y'all don't understand how much I *hate* LA. I mean it's my birthright for cryin' out loud! I grew up near the cold cold beach in San Francisco. Give me wet drizzly fog and a breeze that makes my hair sticky from salt, makes my fingers feel crunchy on the outside. *sigh* I hear Ventura is nice... *whimper*

Today we text messaged a bunch and had like 3 10 minute conversations because internal things are coming up (just as I expected them too) WRT the man I'm seeing. And we were able to put name tags on the baggage so I know where it goes. And... *blinks* I've never had a friend like that ever that *wasn't* my Mom. So [livejournal.com profile] permetaform's mine, k? We're inseparable in certain ways, but she has to leave. And I'll be OK. She has a car. I have a car. And there will be *driving* ahead.

So. Much. Driving.

ETA The icon is titled Twisted Tree. Paper is made from trees. And that stoic creature in the crook of the creepy tree? Is the Reverend Justin Crowe. *licks*
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grooving to: Chili Peppers - Hey
 
 
fashes
25 May 2006 @ 01:29 am
Alias 5x16-17 - Jack. Best. Dad. Ever.  
Though I am a little disappointed that I'm the only one on my flist to comment on Alias. [livejournal.com profile] suzvoy? Nothing? Not even fore the Finale? I mean this is the last time I will squee like this. *milks it* )

Just a warning? I may have lost my mind. *shifty eyes* Possibly. [livejournal.com profile] permetaform is leaving and... and I should just do that post separately. Yes. But still! It's a wee bit crezeh in there *points to cut tag* Just so you know. *climbs into a bottle*

ETA: No bottle to be found. *sigh* But still crazy. I have Hot Chocolate's I Believe in Miracles stuck in my head right now. And? I like it. See?! CREZEH!! It's like I got caught in a street side pillow fight, but instead of the pillows being filled with feathers they were filled with crack and now I'm covered in it and have inhaled it and am licking it off my skin. *shifty eyes* Yis.
 
 
grooving to: Alias 5x16-17
mood:: crazy bouncy emo pain
 
 
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24 May 2006 @ 11:32 pm
I was going to be discreet but...  
We all know that's not like me when it comes to embarrassing myself. Like that time last week when I walked *right* into a screen door - and bounced. So...

Today, for the first time ever, I watched midget porn. Now don't get too excited. It was hetero midget porn. So really it was just boring boring OMG ARE YOU TRYING TO REMOVE HER CLIT WITH YOUR TONGUE!!! *SHUDDER* porn with tiny tiny women.

Hey! Let's see how YOU cope when your hetero life mate is moving away! TOMORROW!!!! *shakes tiny fist at [livejournal.com profile] permetaform's educational needs*

Also? My hand hurts now. Because I beat the keyboard. Why did I beat my precious keyboard? BECAUSE THE SHIFT KEY WAS STUCK OMG!!!!ELVENTY!!!1124124[1

*copes*

*copes horribly*

*curls up to watch Jack threaten people in the Last. Alias. Ever.*
 
 
grooving to: Alias 5x16
mood:: *emo pain*
 
 
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20 May 2006 @ 04:51 pm
I'm turning into an emo emo little girl  
And it upsets me. A lot. I'm filled with rage at my emo pain, but the emo is winning.

Somebody kill me?

Please?

Observe my emo google homepage )

*headdesk*
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mood:: *bitter*
grooving to: Bodily - Ani Difranco
locale: Work. omg why am I logged into LJ?!